Demonic Disposition

I wake up all at once to pain and white and light and an overwhelming silence. I blink once, just to make sure I'm alive, that I have a body. I do. All the bright white blinks away for a moment. I close my eyes again, this time keeping them closed and now all I see is red. That's a good sign right? That's the color my eyelids turn when there's too much light. Am I outside?

I wait for another moment and then open my eyes a crack. The light seems a little dimmer. Am I just getting used to it? Maybe. This time, I force myself to keep my eyes open that tiny crack. My eyelashes flutter madly, the only thing I can see. Slowly, other things start appearing out of the white. Well, gray starts appearing. Just an empty expanse of gray, but it looks real, like a tangible surface. It's not completely flat, I realize. They're are tiny differences in color, like a flat surface- the light on it is never perfectly even everywhere so the shade is a tiny bit different everywhere. It's perfectly smooth, but it's shiny. There can be perfectly smooth things right? Especially if they're shiny. Someone just took a long time polishing it. Or maybe I'm looking at a pond. A gray pond... I disregard that idea as soon as I think it.

I try to turn my head and instantly, pain explodes. I moan and that hurts too. My throat is raw. But it means I'm alive, right? Isn't there a song about that? About how the pain lets you know you're alive? If there is a song, it has to be true. So I'm alive. That's good. I think. I want to be alive, right? The pain I'm feeling suggests differently. My body definitely does not want to be alive right now. It wants to be dead and gone and not have to deal with me anymore. I can tell. It's yelling at my mind. Painfully. Ouch.

"Don't move."

I blink. Is the gray pond talking to me now? Oh wait, I decided it couldn't be a pond. Ponds aren't gray. Well, I guess it could be if it was reflecting an icky sky or dyed, but that would mean it was upside down and it would be dripping on me if it was upside down. Maybe my body is talking out loud now. It doesn't want to move. That makes sense. I don't want to move. It hurts too much too move. And then colors are invading my blank gray shiny surface.

Huh. Colors look funny. And what weird colors. Light green, white, pale peach, spots of pink tints here and there on the peach and darker shades of it, and then two spots of swirled colors, darker than anything else. I frown at the conglomeration of pretty colors, confused. Do colors usually move on their own? And why green? I don't even like green. And white... isn't white bad? It's what I saw earlier, when I couldn't see anything.

And then the swirl of colors changes. For a second, it disappears out of my site completely but then it’s back, but different. It's bigger for one thing. Longer and wider. Still on the same side though. But it's mostly red now and the red is everywhere. I even feel it tickle my face. I wrinkle my nose and blow at it. Ouch. Wrinkling my nose hurts. So does moving my lips to blow.

I relax my face and stare up at the changed colors. It's mostly gray- a light gray, with lots of different shades, going all the way to almost white. It's sort of pretty. And then all those colors are squished together in two points amid the rest of the gray too, like it was before. Weird.

I realize belatedly that it may be talking to me. The pinkish stain beside the two dots is moving, expanding and contracting, revealing more colors when it expands. And a low deep rumbling is reaching my ears now. How funny. It talks differently now. Hm, I should probably be listening to the words right? But I'm so tired.... And this voice isn't nice. Well, it's quite pretty, as low as it is, but it sounds mean.

I shut my eyes and this time, I see black instead of red and I quickly forget all about the weird swirls of colors.